It has always been my dream to see one of my books on shelves for everyone to read, not because I want to be famous, but because I am a storyteller and I believe that stories are meant to be shared with the world.
But everyday I don't write, everyday I fall out-of-love with my WIP, is another uncertainty to add to the list.
Am I a good writer?
Am I cut out for the business?
Is this really what I want?
Because writing doesn't get easier just because you have an agent.
I need to know that I am ready for this, before I start jumping on the query-bandwagon.
Maybe in the next couple of years or so, I will have grown as a writer, I will be more committed than I am now, but if there is anything that I have learned it's this: There is no hurry.
Sure it would be nice to have an agent. Sure it would be nice to put I am repped by.... on the top of my blog, sure it would be nice to write a blog post about HOW I GOT MY AGENT. Man, I'm telling you, if that happens sometime in my life, then I will be the happiest person alive, but I am still young. I have my whole life ahead of me, and I can't stress myself out just because I am not agented or published or whatever.
I obviously still have a lot to learn and I know this. That is why I'm going to put my dream on hold, because dreaming is useless, if you're going in blind.
Meaning, I want to learn a little more about the publishing world, before I decide HEY I WANT TO QUERY and HEY I WANT AN AGENT and HEY I WANT TO BE A FULL-TIME WRITER.
Plus, I need to be willing to work hard. To stay committed, to NOT GIVE UP, because I am telling you nine times out of ten, I am more likely to trunk a project than to keep working on it unless people yell and scream at me to keep trying.
I also noticed that people who have critique groups and support from friends and family are less likely to give up, and they don't suffer from TSS. (This Sucks Syndrome)
I have a lot of lovely lovely online writerly friends, but in real life my family doesn't support my writing, my mom doesn't really take my writing seriously, my friends don't like to read so they really don't care for writing, and sometimes it gets really hard not being able to talk about characters and plot holes with people, and other things that us writers talk about.
Knowledge, support, commitment. All of these things play a HUGE part in realizing your dream, and achieving it.
It's after one o'clock in the morning and I should be sleep, but this was one of things on my mind.