9.2.10

Teaser Tuesday

Today's teaser is from my new WIP, Ashes, Ashes. I am really not sure about that title, but it fits for now, I guess. But it's an Urban Fantasy and I already 10,000 words in, so it is pretty exciting.

I really want to know what you guys think of the beginning. It's pretty rough, so sorry for any error you run across. Enjoy!

***
In life you could do things the easy way or the hard way. I preferred the hard way, but that was only because I liked to get my hands dirty.

I had walked into that bar looking for trouble, and, as always, it found me.

Or I should say, he found me.

The man I was looking for was sitting on a stool talking to the bartender. A bottle of beer was on the counter in front of him, and a wide smile was on his face. His silver teeth glittered in the dim light that filled the room. I scrunched up my nose. People with metal in their mouth usually had stinky breath. If I were going to be talking to him, I probably would need to offer him a tic-tac or something.

I reached in my purse to look for some, but then a shadow fell over me, blocking out the light.

It was the bartender. He was rather nice-looking for an old guy. Salt and pepper hair, dark eyes, and a warm smile. For a moment, I thought he was George Clooney. But even he wouldn't work at a place like this. He wouldn't come here either, unless he had some business to take care of.

And believe me, I had business to take care of. Why else would I go to a bar on a school night?

"Good evening, miss," the bartender said. "Can I get you anything?"

Idiot. He didn't even ask to see my ID. I was wearing make-up and a dress with a plunging neckline that would have my mother praying for days, but I didn't look old enough to drink.

This must have been my lucky night.

"Well, I..." I started, batting my eyelashes. Laying it on thick.

"You see the fine fellow down there." I followed his gaze. Metal Mouth. Yeah, I saw him. He was the one I came here to see. "He wants to buy you a drink."

"That is very sweet of him. Tell him I said thanks."

"Maybe you can tell him yourself." He flicked his wrist and Metal Mouth got up from his stool and moved towards me, that wide grin still pasted on his lips.

Unlike the bartender, he wasn't nice-looking. People who came here usually weren't. His dark hair was slicked back with too much grease and he had really thick eyebrows. I would have told him that he looked like Oscar the Grouch but I had to keep up my act.

His own eyes swept over me, a look of approval washing over his face.

"Thank you for the drink," I said, smiling.

"It was my pleasure, pretty lady." His voice wasn't that pleasant either. It sounded rough and raspy like he smoked a pack of cigarettes every day. And just like I predicted, his breath reeked. I couldn't pin down the scent, but I really wished he wasn't sitting so close.

I kept smiling, even though my cheeks were starting to hurt. Pretty lady. Wow, if only he knew. I wasn't making any effort to talk, but old Metal Mouth looked like the social type. He turned to the bartender. "How about that drink, Tom?" He looked at me again. His eyes lingering on my chest, before he met my gaze. "What would you like?"

"A water for now."

He smiled, approvingly. "Classy and pretty. What a dangerous combination."

"Stick around and you'll see just how dangerous I can be." He thought I was flirting with him. But I was serious underneath the smile. I was dangerous. In the dress I didn't look the part, but as my father used to say, looks can be deceiving.

Apparently, no one ever taught old Metal Mouth that.

14 comments:

  1. old metal mouth! i love that! nice snip.

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  2. Metal Mouth.

    Teehee. This WIP sounds really interesting.

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  4. I really like this! You're very talented...the way you describe your characters is both effortless and flawless...well done! :)

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  5. "I was wearing make-up and a dress with a plunging neckline that would have my mother praying for days, but I didn't look old enough to drink." <-- love that. Mostly the part about her mother praying for days-- very clever. :-)

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  6. This is extremely well written. Flows so well, the ending actually hit me *wonders if Ely will post a summary*

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  7. Great snippet. I'm definitely interested about why she went to that bar on a school night!

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  8. Lol! Old metal mouth. Your MC is so mean, describing the poor man like that. And it's well written too. Though u're right about the title, Ashes ashes, sounded a bit weird. You could take out one ashes, i suppose

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  9. Really nice details. Loved the bit about the neckline and especially liked "People with metal in their mouth usually had stinky breath."

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  10. Interesting..I totally want to know what she's doing there! And love the plunging neckline line, too! Great attention to detail as well!

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  11. Interesting opening. I would suggest cutting the first paragraph and starting with "I had walked into that bar looking for trouble, and, as always, it found me," but that's just my 2 cents : ))

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  12. Great teaser, Ely! This sounds like a really cool WiP!

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  13. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you started this. There is humor engraved in this, but still I'm wondering what's she going to do to old Metal Mouth?It sounds like a promising WIP. GAH! I Love everything you write!

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