Teaser Tuesday

I'm a bit late, but I've been having one of those weeks. A lot of homework. A lot of other stuff to do, so this might be the only blog I post this week.

This teaser is from BURNOUT.


We scatter her ashes around the house. Under the great Oak tree in the backyard. In mom's garden, in the grass. Everywhere her feet, her hands touched.

"She'll live on here," Dad says.

It was hard to believe that someone like my sister could die. Cease to exist. She was like the fucking sun. All bright and beautiful and always so damn optimistic that it got on my nerves.

She wasn't like other girls. That was for sure.

Perfume annoyed the hell out of her and she would always get on me about how my cologne was contributing to global warming. Whatever that meant.

When she would walk past my room, instead of saying hi or what's up, she'd turn my light out and walk away.

At dinner, she would pick at her food, instead of eating it, knowing that it worried our mother to death.

"People in third world countries can't eat. So why should I?" she'd ask.

Yeah, Hailey was weird like that. Always putting everyone before her.

But this time was different. She was selfish, and took a razor to her wrist.

I was the one who found her. The bathroom door was creaked open, the water was still running. I didn't mean to go in, but Hailey never left the water running. She said wasting water should be a sin.

After about ten minutes she'd turn it off. But a whole hour had passed, and it was still running.

My mom, my dad, everyone else - can't get over the fact that I was the one who found her.

Red slits across her cold, pale skin, head lulled back, mouth slack. Chest still.


Hailey killed herself.

It came to a shock to everyone, and for days I couldn't sleep. When I was eating breakfast or shooting hoops outside, I would feel my heart getting heavy in my chest, and I'd cry. The tears would start slipping out of my eyes and they wouldn't stop.

Everyone tried to console me. Ex-girlfriends sent cards and flowers and called constantly, even though I never answered the phone.

The guys on the basketball team acted normal when they were around me. We used to joke around saying that crying was for bitches, losers.

And here I was, red lining my irises, tears staining my cheeks. Soon the kind words, the pats on the shoulder, the subtle glances, were too much to bare.

I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. There was nothing to be sorry for. My sister did this to herself. She was the one who filled the bathtub up, and cut open her veins, wide enough so that the blood would spill out.

That's all I can remember of my sister now. Everything else didn't matter anymore once I looked into her cold, glassy eyes.

She was dead.

I didn't cry at her funeral. Or memorial. You needed a casket for it to be a funeral. And there wasn't a casket. We were all just crowded into a hot, stuffy room, staring up front at the giant picture of Hailey.

I took it last summer on her birthday. She didn't want a cake or a party, so we all just sat around the dinner table as usual, and talked.

We always talked. My family was perfect. Not Brady Bunch perfect, but we were perfect in our own way.

Game nights, picnics, walks in the park, we did it all. I never liked spending time with my parent's because when they weren't arguing over some stupid thing, they were singing songs from 'back in their day'.

But Hailey loved that type of stuff. I used to tolerate our family time just for her, because I was the oldest. If she could do it, I could do it.

My family was perfect. We always talked. We never kept secrets.

We never kept secrets.


  1. Oh, gosh. The whole snippet was kind of haunting and eerie and intriguing and then the last line sent chills up my arms.

    Great job Raven!
    ... and the word verification I have to type in is "dieduck" to make matters stranger.

  2. Absolutely brilliant, as usual. Your work is stunning. :)

  3. I love the voice of your MC. I get the sense that she's really, really bitter about her sister's death. And even though she doesn't come off as depressed, I feel for her. Nice work. :D

  4. This is sad, but I can feel the anger radiating through you MC which is very realistic. You write so well.

  5. This is so charged with anger and bitter sadness. Keep writing!

  6. I love the MC! I feel every single dark and eerie thought, it just flows really well.

  7. So sad and really well written. I felt it!

  8. Just heart breaking...so great... :*(

  9. Oh My!! I Love this! So sad and creepy! totally my thing! LOL

  10. I agree..haunting, eerie, sad, and bitter, all at once. So full of angst and emotion--I love it! And want to know what secrets are lurking....

  11. sad, yet I can feel your MC's anger at his sister's selfishly taking herself away from them like that...brilliant and bitter! Two enthusiastic thumbs up!

  12. Oh wow! This is awesome. I can feel your MC's pain. The voice is great and I loved the last lines. Obviously sis was keeping a secret. I think I'll give you the Tearjerker Tuesday award this time 'round.

    Lovely, just lovely!

  13. That was a great snippet! I was about to start crying. Most of all, I was impressed with your writing style--which happens less and less often nowadays with every book I read. I loved it all, especially the last line. I'm usually really critical, but you tore me down. :)